Ep 169: Sir John Harington and the Ajax

Flushing: A Privilege We Take for Granted

At the end of every Privy episode, we remind you: “Don’t forget to flush.” But really—have you ever thought about how awesome it is that we can just press a lever and poof! Our bathroom burdens vanish into a mystical underground pipe system?

Well, it wasn’t always that simple. For a long time, toilet technology was more “dump and rinse” than “flush and forget.” Ancient civilizations like Rome and the Indus Valley had running water and communal toilets—but the concept of flushing as we know it? Not so much. Think: bucket of water and hope for the best.

Enter the Haringtons (Yes, That’s a Real Name)

Our hero, Sir John Harington, wasn’t the first in his family to be involved in royal drama. His mother, Isabella Markham, was a lady-in-waiting for Queen Elizabeth I—which meant she was essentially on royal chamber pot duty. His father? A poet exiled to the Tower of London for writing a mildly treasonous letter. Naturally, the two met in prison. Over a shared love of poetry...and possibly poop pails.

Young John, aka "Little Johnny," was born into this chaotic, commode-adjacent court life and eventually became the Queen’s godson. He studied law (meh) but preferred writing (yay), especially saucy writing.

The Smuttiest Poet in the Privy

Harington gained royal favor for his poetic skills, but he couldn’t help himself—he loved writing dirty jokes and innuendo. He once translated Orlando Furioso, an epic poem, but added so much spice that the Queen kicked him out of court. His punishment? Finish the rest of it. That’s like telling a kid caught smoking to go smoke the whole pack.

So naturally, John kept writing.

The Ajax: The World’s First Flush Toilet

While in exile (again), Sir John got inspired. He invented a device he dubbed the Ajax—a pun on “a jakes,” a slang term for a toilet.

The Ajax was the world’s first recorded flush toilet, installed in Harington’s manor in Kelston. It worked similarly to modern toilets: water was stored in a cistern and released to flush the bowl. However, it lacked an S-bend, which meant the smell didn’t get trapped. So it functioned...but stunk to high heaven.

Still, this was groundbreaking. For the first time, poop could be flushed away with purpose. That’s innovation, baby.

The Metamorphosis of Ajax: Toilet Talk and Treason

In true Harington fashion, he wrote about his toilet invention in a book with the incredibly subtle title: A New Discourse on a Stale Subject: The Metamorphosis of Ajax. But the book wasn’t just plumbing specs—it was political satire disguised as potty talk. Unsurprisingly, this got him banished again.

Seriously. If banishment were an Olympic sport, Sir John would’ve taken gold.

From Flushes to Final Bowels

Harington lived out his days translating texts—one of them being a medieval hygiene manual all about healthy pooping (we stan a consistent king). He translated Regimen Sanitatis Salernitanum, which preached proper bowel maintenance centuries before Metamucil was cool.

He died in 1613, not long after the Queen he loved (and mildly annoyed) passed. His invention didn’t take off immediately, but its blueprint laid the groundwork for the modern toilet.

Also, fun fact: Actor Kit Harington (Jon Snow from Game of Thrones) is a direct descendant. Which is perfect, considering Jon Snow was banished and never sat on the Iron Throne—just like Sir John invented the throne we all sit on daily.