Ep 170: Summer Sweatin’
Summer Sweatin’: A Scientific Deep Dive into Sweat and the Bathroom
Ah yes, summer. The season of sunshine, barbecues, and sweat. Buckets of it. If you’ve ever waddled like a cowboy through Disney World after a 12-hour trek with Goofy, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And if you don’t—well buckle up, because things are about to get damp.
Sweat: A Gift From the Gods (Or Maybe a Punishment?)
Ancient Egyptians believed humans were created from the sweat and tears of Ra, which is both beautiful and disgusting. Imagine thinking your divine origin story is being wrung out like a dirty gym sock.
And while some Egyptians saw sweat as holy, others thought it was unclean—basically God’s way of saying, “Take a shower, my dude.” Either way, it’s clear sweat has always had spiritual baggage. And possibly literal baggage if you’re wearing non-breathable underwear.
The History of Sweat (Yes, This Exists)
Fast-forward to Ancient Greece where doctors like Hippocrates thought sweat was your body’s way of exorcising demons and balancing your "humors." These included:
Blood
Phlegm
Black bile
Yellow bile
Sweat, they believed, was how your body threw a tantrum to rebalance itself. "Too much black bile? Let's leak out the armpits until the demons leave."
Modern Sweat Science: Or, Why Your Taint is a Funk Factory
Enter the 1800s—scientists finally get microscopes and immediately decide to zoom in on armpits and other... lesser visited zones. Turns out, not all sweat glands are created equal.
The Big 3 Sweat Glands:
Eccrine glands – All over your body. These are the “normal” sweat glands. Think forehead, palms, and underboob.
Apocrine glands – Found in your armpits, groin, and yes, the taint. These release a thicker, stinkier sweat, especially after puberty.
Apocrine + Eccrine = Apoeccrine glands – Discovered in the '80s and hanging out in your crotch like they own the place. They’re the worst of both worlds: high output, high stink.
So yeah, when you feel like you sat in a puddle but it’s 95° and you haven’t been near a pool, that’s science, baby.
Why Is My Butt So Sweaty?
It’s a perfect storm:
Heat
Friction
Pits and folds
That trio is a recipe for what LifeMD lovingly calls swamp ass—which, let’s be honest, sounds like Shrek’s high school nickname.
Also, fun fact: your diet and weight can crank the dial up on the swamp. Thanks, spicy food. Thanks, body.
How to De-Swamp Your Summer
Now that we know where the sweat comes from (and why your crotch is a hot tub of funk), here are some ways to combat it:
1. Antiperspirant vs. Deodorant
Deodorant: Fights the stink.
Antiperspirant: Blocks the pores.
Want less sweat? Go antiperspirant. Just don’t use your armpit stick on your nether regions unless you want chemical confusion. Separate stick for the swamp, people. SWAMP STICK.
2. Powders
Absorb moisture. Reduce friction. Smell fresher than the last guy who used the staff bathroom and left a full cheekprint of sweat on the seat. Be a sweetie—wipe the seatie.
3. Moisture-Wicking Underwear
Hunter has questions. Science has answers. Maybe. These breathable undies claim to wick away sweat. But do they? Or is it just a marketing myth designed to get us to pay $30 for boxer briefs?
4. Barrier Clothing
Long leggings in summer? Seems wrong. But for the chafe-prone among us, putting fabric between skin and skin is the key to survival. Leggings: not just for yoga moms anymore.
5. Let Your Butt Breathe (Responsibly)
Healthline suggests “airing out your butt.” We suggest maybe not doing that near open windows, neighbors, or coworkers. Or… use a hairdryer? Just… don’t go full Ozzy Man “spread it to the gods” unless you're really confident in your homeowner’s insurance.
Final Thoughts from the Swamp
Sweat is natural. Gross, but natural. And now, thanks to centuries of sweaty Egyptians, Greek philosophers, awkward lab research, and modern science, we know how to tackle the swamp head-on.
Just please—for the love of all that is holy and hygienic—check the seat when you’re done. No one wants to play butt puddle roulette.
