Ep. 9: Laxatives
Laxatives and the Quest for Bathroom Bliss
Well, well, well, folks. It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? Eight months to be exact. But hey, COVID happened, wasps were murdered (yes, that happened), and well, life got in the way. But, as I’m sure you’ll agree, there’s no time like the present to get back on track — especially when it comes to something as important as, you know, going to the bathroom.
So welcome back to Privy, the podcast dedicated to all things bathrooms. The etiquette, the history, and sometimes, the pure ridiculousness of it all. This week, we’re diving deep into the world of laxatives — yes, the magical little pills that help you “get the brown stuff out” (as the kids say). If you’re squeamish, buckle up, because things are about to get… well, let’s just say they’re about to get real.
The History of Laxatives: Because You Gotta Go
Let’s take a quick jaunt through history, shall we? Laxatives didn’t just pop up in modern times like a trendy wellness supplement. Nope. They’ve been around for centuries. I mean, who thought it was a good idea to start the “let’s get rid of the poop” movement? Well, ancient Egyptians, of course. According to the Ebers Papyrus (basically an ancient Egyptian medical manual), they were all about natural remedies. And what was their secret? Grains, fruits, and... wait for it... castor oil. That’s right, the same stuff you now use for hair growth could have been your ticket to a less backed up day.
Over time, more and more people began to understand that, if you couldn’t, you know, relieve yourself, it wasn’t just uncomfortable – it could lead to physical and spiritual illness (yikes). So, naturally, people looked for solutions to keep everything moving smoothly.
Enter the Modern Age: Pills, Soap, and… More Soap
Fast forward to the 1800s. Enter Beecham’s Pills, the first well-known laxative, invented by Thomas Beecham in the 1840s. These pills contained aloe, ginger, and, wait for it… SOAP. Yes, you heard that right – soap in pill form, which sounds like something that should’ve died out in the 1800s but lasted until the late '90s. Imagine going on a road trip and popping one of those bad boys for a “regular” bathroom break. You’d be paying a toll on every rest stop.
But hey, they worked! So much so that brave souls actually went on TV to share their success stories. Can you imagine the courage it took to say, “Yes, I used Beecham’s Pills, and now my bathroom habits are on point?” That’s dedication right there.
The Science of Pooping: A Crash Course
Now, we all know a good poop is a sign of a happy life. So, let’s talk about modern laxatives. There are four basic types:
Bulk Forming Laxatives: These increase the size of your stool and add moisture, making it easier to pass. In other words, they bulk it up for the smoothest exit possible. No more shy poops.
Stool Softeners: Like fabric softener for your poop. Think of it as a moisturizing lotion for your insides, making things soft and slidey.
Stimulants: These bad boys stimulate your intestines, helping to push things along faster. Think of it as a caffeine boost, but for your bowels. It's not gentle, but sometimes you just need a little help getting that log out of the flume.
Osmotic Laxatives: These bring in water to help hydrate your bowels, sort of like setting up a little irrigation system in there. It’s like liquid plumber but, you know, for the inside.
Each of these gets the job done in its own way. But, as we learned from the ancient Egyptians, the key is often fiber. So, before you start popping pills, you might want to try increasing your fiber intake. Fiber is basically nature's broom for your intestines. It's the unsung hero of every healthy digestive system, and we owe it a lot.
Enemas: Not Your Everyday Laxative
Now, before we get too cozy in the world of pills and fiber, let’s talk about enemas. Yes, enemas—the uncomfortable cousin of laxatives. While laxatives are ingested, enemas… well, they go in a different direction. (I’ll leave that to your imagination.)
Now, I’m not saying enemas don’t have their place, but please, do NOT stick coffee beans up there. That’s not what they’re meant for. Trust me, you don’t want to start a trend of turning your bathroom into a coffee shop. Coffee is for drinking, not for, well, other things. And for the love of all things sacred, do not experiment with random home remedies unless your doctor gives you the green light. No one needs a DIY colon cleanse gone wrong.
PSA: Always Have Access to a Bathroom
Lastly, let’s talk about something very important when it comes to laxatives: Bathroom Access. If you’re taking any kind of laxative, make sure you have a bathroom nearby. You do not want to be stuck halfway through a road trip, with no place to “let it go.” Seriously. Make sure you have a plan in place. Because, trust me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.
Fiber Buddy: Your New Best Friend
Before I leave you, I have a little song to share with you. Why? Because everyone loves a good tune, especially when it's about something as universally loved as fiber. Fiber Buddy is here to save the day. He’s the one who makes taking a big turd fun. So, without further ado, here’s the anthem of the fiber lover:
"Fiber buddies, you're the one,
You make takin' a big turd fun,
Fiber buddies, I'm awfully fond of you,
'Cause you help me poo!"
It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I’m not a musician, but I know what’s essential. And fiber, my friends, is essential.
So there you have it! From ancient Egypt to modern-day pills, we’ve come a long way in the quest for bathroom relief. But remember, before you get too backed up, be sure to give fiber a chance, and always keep a bathroom handy when exploring the world of laxatives. Your privy will thank you.
