Ep. 8: Towel Etiquette

The Hilarious Guide to Bathroom Towel Etiquette: What You Never Knew You Needed to Know

Greetings, fellow potty enthusiasts, and welcome back to Privy, where we talk all things toilets, bathroom culture, and of course—towels. Let’s dive into the wonderful world of towel etiquette, because let’s face it, we've all been there: standing in a bathroom, looking for that elusive hand towel like a confused contestant on a game show. Well, worry no more! Today, we’re laying down the towel laws that will elevate your bathroom game from “I didn’t think about this” to “wow, this person clearly knows how to host.”

1. Hand Towels: Not Just for Fancy People

Let’s start with the basics. Hand towels are for hands. Yes, I know this might seem painfully obvious, but trust me—many guests have tried to dry their hands on a bath towel, and it’s... well, it’s awkward. Imagine wiping your hands on the towel that’s just been used for personal areas (and not just the face). The horror! So, if you’re hosting, please direct your guests to the proper hand towel. And if you don’t have one? Just ask your host like a civilized human being, "Hey, where can I dry my hands?" You'll thank me later.

2. Don’t Share Towels: It’s a Recipe for Disaster

Let’s talk about a fundamental bathroom faux pas: sharing towels. Unless you’re in a dire situation with no other options, never share towels. We’re all adults here, and we’ve all got our own stinky business to dry off. Just imagine the nightmare of using someone else’s towel to dry your body, only to realize it’s been used for god-knows-what before you. As a host, always make sure to provide plenty of towels and communicate the plan: “Here’s where you can hang it, or I’ll grab it later, no worries!” Simple.

3. The Face vs. Butt Towel Debate

Oh, it’s a tricky one. Should I use the same towel for my face that I use for, well, my nether regions? You may have never thought about it before, but a wise friend once told me that your body towel has a “face side” and a “butt side.” How do you know which side is which? Easy! The tag side? That’s the butt side. It’s that simple. Just don’t use the same side to dry your face that you used to, well, dry the rest of you after the shower. It's common sense, people.

4. Towels Get Stinky, and So Do You

Let’s talk towel hygiene—specifically, how often should you wash your towels? Reader’s Digest says that towels should be washed every 2-3 days. Yeah, every two to three days. Now, you might be thinking, "That’s crazy, no one has time for that." Well, buckle up, because according to scientists, damp towels have more bacteria on them than the average toilet bowl. Yep, you heard me right—your towel could be harboring more germs than your commode. So, give those towels a spin in the wash before they start spreading more than just your body’s scent.

5. Towel Jenga: A Cardinal Sin

Ever been to someone’s bathroom and witnessed the chaos of towel jenga? One wrong move, and towels come tumbling down, creating a mess of clean but now floor-dirtied linens. If you’re going to grab a towel from a stack, for the love of all things sacred, pull from the top! Or, if you must, carefully lift the towels above the one you need. But never, ever, ever play towel jenga. It’s a public service announcement at this point.

6. Finger Towels: Why Do They Exist?

Ah, finger towels—those tiny, often unnecessary towels. They are smaller than hand towels and usually found in fancy bathrooms. But here’s the thing: who needs them? Seriously. They’re just... there. Unless you’re trying to impress someone (in which case, good luck), just stick to the hand towels. A finger towel is pretty much pointless unless you’re a luxury bathroom enthusiast, in which case, by all means, show off that finger towel collection.

7. The Bath Mat Dilemma: To Hang or Not to Hang

The bath mat, that humble companion to your bathroom routine. Now, when it gets wet, it definitely becomes a breeding ground for bacteria (just like your towels). So, how often should you wash it? Once a week, apparently. But the real question is: where do you put the bath mat when it’s wet? Do you just leave it on the floor to soak in all that moisture, or do you hang it up somewhere? The answer is clear, folks: hang that thing up. Out of sight, out of mind, and away from the feet that haven’t showered yet.

Now that we’ve armed you with the finest bathroom towel etiquette, go forth and conquer the world of towels. Whether you’re drying your hands, your face, or just trying to avoid the dreaded towel jenga, remember: towels are here to serve you, not to create chaos. So next time you host a guest—or use a towel yourself—keep these tips in mind, and let’s make the world a cleaner, dryer place.

Don't forget to rate us five stars, or maybe get a Privy tattoo to show your commitment to the fine art of bathroom etiquette. Just kidding, but seriously—tell your friends! Because nothing says sophistication like being the person who knows the correct way to handle towels.