Ep. 33: Cintas and America’s Best Restroom
The Cintas Corporation’s America’s Best Restroom Competition
Let’s take a moment to reflect on a modern truth: if you were throwing hands over hand sanitizer in 2020, someone in a Cintas office was watching you like a Bond villain stroking a cat, whispering, “Yes... dance for the Purell.”
Hunter’s Anecdotes to Keep You Afloats: Barbell and Barf
So there I was, observing a local Muscle Dave attempting tricep pulldowns with the tenacity of a gorilla and the breathing technique of someone holding their breath during a horror movie. Spoiler: he went full tomato-red and projectile vomited across the gym floor like a New Year’s champagne cork.
The gym, folks: a place for gains, not geysers.
Enter: Cintas, Restroom Juggernaut and Hand Dryer Overlord
If you’ve ever used a soap dispenser that smelled vaguely of industrial lemon and a little despair, odds are you’ve used a Cintas product. Headquartered in Cincinnati (and with a name that sounds like a prescription medication), Cintas has evolved from laundering factory rags in 1929 to controlling the fate of restroom aesthetics across America.
They supply:
Mops
Uniforms
AEDs (because nothing says “professional” like resuscitating your boss)
Eye wash stations
And... the Best Restroom in America competition
Seriously.
From Rags to Restroom Riches: The Cintas Origin Story
Cintas began life as Acme Industrial Laundry, a name that immediately conjures Wile E. Coyote blowing himself up. Founders Doc and Amelia Farmer pioneered the noble art of rag laundering, selling used-but-clean rags back to the same factories they came from. Respect. That’s some next-level capitalism.
Their grandson, Dick Farmer (yes), took the family business and added uniforms, towels, and presumably, corporate dominance.
Eventually, they named the company Cintas—short for "CINcinnati" + “TAS” (which, fun fact, was scribbled on a bar napkin, because of course it was).
Restroom Oscars: The Best Bathroom in America
Since 2002, Cintas has hosted the Best Restroom in America competition. And let me tell you, the finalists are a tour of absurd, glorious, overengineered public peedom.
2021 Finalists Included:
JFK Airport’s Bathroom Redo – because nothing says world-class like marble tiles and no poop smell.
Fancy Flush in Santa Rosa – a glamour porta potty inspired by tiny homes. Aka, a trailer with throw pillows.
Planet Word, Washington DC – a bathroom filled with witty poop puns and literary bathroom art. Yes, please.
Two Cities Pizza, Cincinnati – designed for optimal restroom selfies, which frankly should be a felony.
Craigcraft Park, California – handles 500+ potty-goers an hour with “classy vibes.” I guess.
Bathroom Hall of Fame: Honorable Mentions
2003 – A casino bathroom with Victorian portraits staring deep into your urinal soul
2007 – Jungle Jim’s market in Ohio hides a full restroom behind fake porta-potty doors like a Scooby Doo trap
2019 – A zoo bathroom where monkeys watch you poop. I have questions.
Nominate That Toilet
Want your favorite porcelain palace to get its day in the sun? Head to bestrestroom.com/nominate and submit your pick. (Bonus points if it’s monkey-free.)
Remember, folks, the real measure of a society is how fancy our public restrooms are. And if your buddy’s bowl looks like a Jackson Pollock painting? Maybe gift him a Cintas catalog.
