Ep. 29: What Could Eating 75 Hot Dogs Do to Your Bathrooming?
Hot Dogs, Heartburn, and Historic Bowel Movements: What Happens After You Eat 76 Hot Dogs?
America is many things:
Land of the free.
Home of the brave.
Nation of questionable food decisions.
And if there’s one event that embodies all three, it’s Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest—a glorious spectacle where grown adults shovel meat tubes into their faces at terrifying speed while millions of us cheer them on between bites of barbecue.
But you know what no one talks about?
The poop.
Because after 76 hot dogs go in, something has to come out.
Beef Jerky and Shame
Speaking of mistakes: the other night, I ate eight sticks of Montana High Country beef jerky—the Rolls-Royce of dried meat snacks. And here’s the thing: beef jerky smells the same going in as it does coming out... in air form.
Imagine sitting on your couch and suddenly getting smacked in the face with beef jerky perfume. From your own behind. Not great, not terrible.
National Hot Dog Month: Because America
It’s Privy Summer™, and July is National Hot Dog Month, which feels both unnecessary and deeply appropriate. Few foods scream “USA” quite like highly processed meat stuffed in a bun. Whether you’re grilling with friends or watching fireworks made in China, odds are you’ve got a dog in hand.
But hot dogs aren’t just for barbecues—they’re the starring role in one of America’s most absurd and amazing traditions...
Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest
Born in 1916 on Coney Island, Nathan’s started with a humble nickel hot dog stand (take that, inflation!). Nathan Handwerker, a Polish-Jewish immigrant, undercut his former boss’s prices, sold dogs for half the cost, and built a wiener empire.
Today, the original Nathan’s stand is still open 365 days a year, and every July 4th, it hosts the legendary hot dog eating contest that’s part athletic event, part gastrointestinal crime scene.
Enter Joey Chestnut: Gluttony’s MVP
In 2021, Joseph “Joey” Chestnut inhaled 76 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes, breaking his own world record.
Let’s do some horrifying math:
1 hot dog + bun = ~300 calories
76 x 300 = 23,000 calories in 10 minutes
That’s a week’s worth of food for a normal person. Or a day’s worth if you’re me in a beef jerky fugue state.
Also:
76 dogs = 15 days' worth of sodium
Time to poop? TBD
But we’ll get there.
Are These People Okay? The Science of Competitive Eating
Competitive eaters aren't just shoveling food—they’re training for it. Here’s what the science (yes, there are actual studies) says:
Their stomachs don’t contract like normal human stomachs. Think balloon, not blender.
They practice stretching their tummies with gallons of water.
Jaw strength is trained through rigorous gum-chewing (Big League Chew, your time has come).
Some lose their satiary reflex, which is your body's natural “Stop eating, you maniac!” signal.
Basically, their bodies become weirdly efficient meat-slinging machines... until they break.
The Dangers of Competitive Eating (Besides Shame)
As fun as it is to watch someone slam 76 hot dogs into their soul, the risks are real:
Choking (the #1 cause of death in eating contests)
Water intoxication (yes, that’s a thing)
GI tract tears
Pancreas and liver overload
Gastroparesis – when your stomach says “No thanks” to pushing the food out
Worst case: a bezoar forms—a hardened lump of undigested material. Yes, like the magical kidney stone Snape uses in Harry Potter. Except real. And horrifying.
Let’s Talk About the Aftermath
So what does happen after you eat 76 hot dogs?
A reporter from Deadspin once asked competitive eaters this very question. Their responses:
“Not fun.”
“Not pretty.”
“Not immediate.”
“Not inconsequential.”
Joseph Chestnut called his post-contest poop:
“Picture-worthy.”
No pics available (thankfully). But we do have Furious Pete, a YouTube competitive eater who says:
It takes 2–3 days to pass
You may think you’re done... but you’re not
You’ll return to the toilet like Frodo returning to Mordor: reluctantly, and repeatedly
Honestly? Sounds like most of my days after Taco Bell.
Hunter’s Anecdote to Keep You Afloat: Denny’s Betrayal
I don’t have a post-hot-dog trauma story, but I do have the tale of Josh vs. Denny’s Pancakes.
Denny’s once advertised “All You Can Eat Pancakes for $4.” My friend Josh, a tall and sturdy lad, took this personally. After his 8th pancake, Denny’s cut him off.
“That’s all you can eat,” they said.
“No,” Josh replied. “That’s all you’re willing to give.”
Justice for Josh. Shame on you, Denny’s. You promised us flapjack freedom and delivered pancake fascism.
Final Thoughts: Freedom, Food, and Plumbing
Joey Chestnut is a champion, but the real MVP is whatever plumbing system handled what came next. Whether you’re a competitive eater, a beef jerky bandit, or just someone who believes eight pancakes is a reasonable breakfast, let us never forget:
Every bite has a consequence.
Every wiener has a journey.
And every toilet deserves our respect.
Sources:
https://www.businessinsider.com/what-happens-to-the-bodies-of-competitive-eaters-2017-7
https://deadspin.com/how-do-you-get-the-contest-out-of-your-system-trying-t-5923566
