Ep. 30: How Summer Heat Affects Our Sewage
Summer Sewage
Summer, apparently is the time for widespread sewage failure.
Today, we’re diving headfirst into the hot, humid mess that is summer sewage. But first...
The Ongoing Saga: Gym Toilet Watch, Week 2
Quick check-in: Has the leftmost toilet at my gym finally been cleaned?
Short answer: sorta.
Long answer: The biggest poop clump is gone (hallelujah), but there’s still some unfortunate residue. My theory? A kind stranger—perhaps a brave, selfless gym hero—wiped the offending nugget themselves.
Respect.
Still not good enough for a “cleaned” stamp though. We’ll continue the watch. 🕵️♂️💩
The Baked Bean Incident (Yes, Really)
At my janitor gig, I stumbled upon what I thought was a toilet crime scene. Someone apparently decided to scrape their BBQ leftovers—baked beans or brisket, or maybe both—into or at the toilet. Or trash. Or just... generally in the bathroom’s direction.
Whatever their aim, they missed. Beans on the toilet bowl. It looked exactly like poop, and that’s not okay. If you're not going to eat it, at least dispose of it somewhere that isn’t six inches from where someone’s about to sit.
Remember: Eat it. Digest it. THEN deposit it.
Hotter Than Satan’s Armpits
Let’s talk about the heat. It’s been 85+ for two straight weeks, and I’m melting like a candle in a sauna. I’ve reached the “sweating while sitting” phase of summer. The fair was a nightmare. My phone runs like it’s 93 years old. Even my beef jerky is sweating. Enough already.
But you know what suffers even more than me in this heat?
Sewage systems.
Welcome to Summer Sewage: Nature’s Reverse Toilet
You might not think sunshine and sewer lines are related, but oh—they are.
Here’s how heat messes with your poop pipes:
1. Ground Shifts = Pipe Cracks
Hot, dry ground shrinks and shifts. Pipes settle. They crack. Especially the old ones. Boom—leaks and clogs.
2. Hot Pipes Expand and Break
Heat doesn’t just get the dirt. It heats the pipes themselves. They expand, sometimes too much. They snap. Just like you at the DMV.
3. Water Usage Spikes
More:
Lawn watering 🌱
Car washing 🚗
Kid sprinkling 💦
Showering because you’re sticky 👃
All that water has to go somewhere. And that somewhere? Often back to the overwhelmed poop system.
When It Rains, It Pours... Poop?
Summer rain is magical—until it floods your basement with sewer juice.
Here’s what happens:
Drought = poop just chilling in the sewer pipes
Big sudden rain = reverse poop launch
Sewer can’t handle the rush
Backups into homes
Your carpet is now a biohazard
I had friends whose house got straight-up flooded with poo water. They had to live in a hotel for weeks while the city cleaned up. It was like “The Shining” but with toilets.
Roots, Shoots, and Sewer Chutes
Plants love poop. True story.
In the spring and summer, thirsty tree roots stretch out—toward your sewer line. Even a tiny crack lets out enough “nutrients” (read: 💩) to attract them like it’s a Vegas buffet.
Soon, you’ve got:
Roots infiltrating the pipe
Cracks getting worse
Slow drainage turning into full-blown Brown Friday
Yes, Brown Friday. That’s what plumbers call the day after Thanksgiving. And every summer is like a mini Brown Friday when everyone’s home, pooping more, grilling heavier, and flushing with reckless abandon.
Warning Signs Your Sewer’s About to Ruin Your Day
Here’s how to know your summer’s about to get nasty:
Slow drains
Gurgling
Low water pressure
Rotten egg/septic smell
Greener grass near your septic tank (yep, that’s probably because it’s leaking fertilizer)
Pro tip: If your toilet burps, your house might be trying to tell you something. And that something is: “Get a plumber. Now.”
Summer + Sewage = A Stinky Situation
We love summer. We love sewers. But we do not love summer sewage.
If you want to avoid:
Exploding toilets
Reverse poop geysers
Root invasions
Baked beans mysteriously slopped on the bowl
...then now’s the time to watch your drains, water smart, and for goodness' sake, don’t use the toilet as a compost bin.
