Ep. 27: Rest Areas: What the Cold War Created, Commercialism May Destroy
Rest Areas: The Cold War Gift That Keeps On Giving
Every road trip begins the same way:
“Does anybody need to go to the bathroom before we leave?”
“Nope, I’m good.”
[15 minutes later...]
“Dad, I have to pee.”
Cue the rest stop. That weird little concrete oasis where you can stretch your legs, empty your tank, and dispose of every single fast-food wrapper that’s been quietly fermenting in your cupholder.
Let’s talk rest areas—because not only are they vital for road trips, but they also exist because the Cold War almost got nukey. Buckle up.
What Are Rest Stops For (Besides Peeing)?
Rest stops are free, distraction-free pit stops designed for:
Peeing
Stretching your legs
Peeing again, because Mountain Dew exists
Throwing away the growing trash ecosystem in your back seat
Making questionable snack choices from a vending machine
Unlike gas stations, there’s no clown luring you to buy burgers or candy. There’s just a building, some grass, a bathroom, and hopefully not a shirtless man washing his feet in the sink.
Craptastic App of the Week: USA Rest Stop Locator
You knew it was coming. It’s time for another segment of Craptastic Apps, where we review apps best used while doing your business.
App: USA Rest Stop Locator
What it does: Shows you nearby rest areas by direction, services (some even have Wi-Fi?!), and state.
Rating:
Throne Usability: 2/5 (You’ll mostly use it from the car unless you’re reviewing from the can—like I did.)
User-Friendliness: 3/5 (The map’s a little clunky. If you like clicking buttons labeled “badges” with no way to get back out, you’re in luck.)
Fun Factor: 1/5 (This ain’t Candy Crush. It’s just a utility app for desperate bladders.)
Overall: Not bad. Just don’t expect it to be sexy. It’s for survival.
The Cold War... Invented Rest Stops?
Not directly. But let me explain.
In the 1940s, America was pumping out cars thanks to the good ol’ assembly line. But the roads? Not up to snuff. They were barely fit for horses, let alone your grandpa’s Buick.
Then, in 1939, a man named Thomas MacDonald (alongside his sidekick Herbert Fairbank) dropped a report titled “Toll Roads and Free Roads”. They pitched an idea: let’s build highways connecting the whole country! Congress said, “Cool, but no tolls. Gross.”
Fast forward to the 1950s. The Cold War is heating up (ironically), and Dwight D. Eisenhower is stressed. We’ve got missiles, communists, and no plan to get millions of panicking people out of major cities if the Soviets start slinging nukes.
So Ike said:
“We need big roads. Like, really big roads.”
Thus, the Federal Highway Act of 1956 was born. And with it?
The National System of Interstate and Defense Highways.
Yeah. They put “defense” in the name to justify the price tag.
So Where Do Rest Stops Come In?
If the interstate is the body, rest stops are the bladders. You can’t expect millions of people to flee a nuclear apocalypse without a place to pee, right?
Early rest areas were essential because:
There weren’t fast food chains on every corner.
Gas stations were few and far between.
Toilets in the wild are inconvenient, illegal, and extremely awkward if you’re on I-80.
The system worked. For a while.
Who Killed the Rest Area?
Let me introduce the suspects:
Ronald McDonald
ExxonMobil
Starbucks
Your town’s second, unnecessary Subway
As America became saturated with gas stations and fast food, people stopped using rest areas. Why poop in a state-funded toilet when you could poop somewhere with AC and a working soap dispenser?
Rest area use went down. Funding followed. States like Connecticut considered closing all of theirs. North Dakota found that shutting down just a few rest stops could save them $200,000 a year.
It’s simple math: if no one uses the thing, it’s harder to justify fixing the toilets and mopping the mystery puddles.
Modern Rest Area Etiquette (Looking at You, RV Dads)
If you’re lucky enough to find an open rest stop this summer, follow these basic rules:
🚙 Don’t block the bathroom door with your oversized RV. The rest area isn’t your private campground, Todd.
🧼 Clean up after yourself. That goes for you and your dog. Especially your dog. If your pupper drops a “puppy log,” pick it up. Always.
🚽 Don’t loiter in the bathroom. Pee, poop, and move on. Some of us are sweating through jean shorts out here.
🛁 Don’t bathe in the sink. This isn’t a spa. At most, rinse out a kid’s shirt and move on.
🚬 Don’t smoke in the bathroom. There are designated puff zones, you chimney.
And if you notice a rest area’s out of supplies—call the number posted. Help keep the system going.
Rest Areas Are Cold War Ghosts
So next time you’re 67 miles into your road trip, bladder screaming, and you see that blue “Rest Area Ahead” sign…
Stop.
Stretch your legs.
Flush with dignity.
And take a moment to thank:
Eisenhower (for funding),
the Cold War (for motivation), and
the underpaid worker who cleans those toilets even after your toddler finger-painted with a hand sanitizer packet.
Because while they may be underfunded, underused, and a little underwhelming, rest stops are a uniquely American invention.
Sources:
https://www.fhwa.dot.gov/infrastructure/mcdonaldtoll.cfm
https://www.fhwa.dot.gov/interstate/interstatemyths.cfm
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/04/01/highway-rest-stops-disappearing/99868368/
