Ep. 26: Porta Potties and Human Ingenuity and Efficiency
The Porta Potty: Unsung Hero of Summer Survival
Summer is the season of sunburns, sweat, fairs, allergies, and praying you don’t need to poop while standing in line for a corn dog.
You’re out at a state fair, toes in flip-flops, sunscreen dripping into your eyes, when nature calls. And not in the "wow, look at that butterfly!" kind of way. I'm talking code brown. You panic. You scan. And then—like a shining blue beacon of human hope—there it is:
The Porta Potty.
Or as I like to call it: humanity’s plastic poop cube of salvation.
A Portable Throne of Human Ingenuity
We’ve called them a lot of things over the years—Johnny on the Spot, Honey Bucket, Turdice (™ Privycast, not to be confused with Doctor Who’s TARDIS, which smells way better inside).
But whatever you call it, the modern porta potty is nothing short of an engineering marvel. Yes, it stinks. Yes, it’s a bit haunted with the echoes of thousands of previous users. But it’s also portable sanitation at scale—and it keeps our state fairs, music festivals, and construction sites from becoming medieval sewer nightmares.
The Ancient Portables: Egypt’s Royal Flush
Believe it or not, the first known portable toilet dates back to ancient Egypt, around the 14th century BC. Inside the tomb of a guy named Ka (or Kaw, or…please correct me, Egyptologists), archaeologists found a wooden box toilet with a bucket underneath.
Basically, Ka was so worried about divine doo-doo that he wanted a toilet in the afterlife. Which raises the obvious theological question:
Do we poop in heaven?
Moving on.
From Pot to Plot Twist: Enter New Jersey
Flash-forward a few thousand years to 1940s New Jersey—on the docks of Long Beach, where a guy (let’s call him Sammy) noticed that his workers were taking an awfully long time to poop. A few too many taco lunches and a 20-minute stroll to the nearest toilet later, Sammy has a lightbulb moment:
“What if I brought the toilet… to the men?”
Boom. The modern porta potty is born.
A privacy booth with a waste tank that could be emptied at the end of the day. Portable. Revolutionary. Sammy solved the problem, improved productivity, and probably ruined lunch breaks everywhere in the process. Sorry, Dougie.
From Wood to Plastic: A Splintered History
Early porta potties were made of wood, which—as it turns out—is not ideal for containing human liquids. It soaked up the pee, reeked after a while, and also? Splinters. Butt splinters.
Then came fiberglass in the 1960s. Lighter! Easier to move! Still gave you invisible needles in your skin. No thanks.
Enter the hero we didn’t know we needed: polyethylene plastic in the 1980s. Lightweight, resistant to chemical breakdown, and gloriously smooth on the cheeks. This is what most porta potties are made of today.
What’s That Blue Goo?
Let’s talk about the lake of blue doom you see when you look down in a porta potty. It’s not Gatorade. It’s not Windex. It’s not whatever horrifying cocktail your imagination is cooking up.
It’s called the blue mixture: a combination of deodorizer, biocide, and dye. It kills bacteria, fights stink, and (mercifully) masks what’s beneath the surface.
So yes, it stinks in there. But without it? You’d pass out instantly.
Porta Potty Etiquette (Keegan, This Is For You)
Just because it’s a portable toilet doesn’t mean it’s a lawless frontier. Show some respect.
Here are a few rules of the Porta Thrones:
Wipe the seat. If you sprinkle when you tinkle… you know the rest.
Close the lid. It helps direct the airflow out the vent pipe, not up into your face. That’s physics, baby.
Don’t treat it like a trash can. It’s a toilet, not a garbage disposal.
Don’t bungee your friends inside. Funny? Maybe. Ethical? No. Smelly? Absolutely.
If the porta potty is gross, missing supplies, or looks like it’s about to burst—call the number posted inside. Be the hero the fair deserves.
Anecdotes from the Blue Abyss
Time for a quick edition of Hunter’s Anecdotes to Keep You Afloat™:
1. The Backpack Dunk
High school beef escalates. One student grabs another’s backpack and shoves it deep into the porta potty tank during a construction project.
Legendary? Yes.
Recoverable? Nope.
Moral? Don’t leave your stuff unattended near a kid with revenge in his heart and access to portable sewage.
2. The Bungee Trap
A freshman enters the porta potty. Seniors bungee cord it shut. Screaming ensues.
“Help! I’m stuck!”
Eventually, staff free the poor guy. Lesson learned: bring wire cutters, or better friends.
Final Thought: You’ll Miss It When It’s Gone
You can laugh. You can cringe. You can hold your nose. But you will use a porta potty at some point this summer. And when you do, just remember:
It’s better than a bush.
It saves water.
It’s a marvel of human innovation.
So next time you step into that plastic chamber of dignity and doom, give it a little nod of respect. Because without it?
You're just a sweaty person holding in a poop at the county fair
