Ep. 22: Zero Gravity and Pooping in Space
Space Poop: How NASA Solved the Universe’s Most Awkward Problem
Gravity: it keeps your feet on the ground, your poop in the bowl, and your dignity intact. But take that away? Suddenly, a simple bathroom break becomes a logistical nightmare with orbital consequences.
Today on Privy, we answer the question no one in Star Wars dares to address: How do astronauts go to the bathroom in space?
Spoiler: the answer includes bags, suction hoses, and something horrifying called fecal kneading.
Why Gravity Is the Real MVP of Bathroom Time
Next time you hear that plop in the bowl, thank Sir Isaac Newton. Without gravity, your Number Two would just... hover. Float. Drift. Like a poop-shaped satellite. Romantic, isn’t it?
But space doesn't care about romance—or dignity. Without gravity, everything changes. The simple act of relieving yourself becomes a high-stakes ballet of pressure systems and Velcro straps.
Early NASA: A Bunch of Geniuses Who Forgot We Poop
When the Mercury missions launched, NASA remembered to bring:
Rocket fuel ✅
Space suits ✅
Snacks ✅
A plan for pee ❌
Astronaut Alan Shepard needed to pee before launch. NASA’s solution?
“Just go.”
Yes. The official, government-funded solution was wet yourself in your space suit and we’ll deal with it later.
Peeing in Space: Now With More Tubes
Eventually, NASA developed a charming system involving:
A rubber condom-like sheath
A tube
A pee bag
The astronaut’s sheer will
But physics is a cruel mistress. With no gravity, pee won’t flow unless you apply enough, shall we say, personal pressure. Too much pressure? Bag rupture. And now you’ve got a microgravity golden shower.
Pooping in Space: A Saga of Shame and Science
As astronauts started spending more time in space, the poop problem couldn’t be ignored. Thus was born the taped-on butt bag. A Ziploc of destiny. A diaper with ambition.
But this bag had a dark secret: once filled, it had to be kneaded like pizza dough to flatten it for chemical stabilization.
Yes. Astronauts—literal rocket scientists—had to squish their own poop through the bag so it could be mixed with space-grade Lysol and studied back on Earth.
Because science.
“Houston, There’s a Turd Floating in Here”
You read that right.
Astronaut Tom Stafford once had to report to mission control that a rogue turd was on the loose. It had escaped its tape-bag prison and was now freelancing in zero gravity.
The official response: pass the man a napkin.
The Super Diaper and the Space Toilet
Eventually, NASA leveled up:
Super Diaper 2.0 held 32 ounces of pee (the size of your reusable water bottle—you’re welcome).
Skylab (1973) featured a toilet with a vacuum-powered dookie suck system and heat-dried feces (aka diaper jerky).
The International Space Station (ISS)? Even better. It has a hole the size of a dinner plate and a camera aimed at your butthole for real-time aiming assistance.
Yes, astronauts poop while being watched by a tiny GoPro in the toilet.
And Then... They Drank It
Pee isn’t just disposed of. Oh no. It’s:
Collected
Filtered
Purified
Drunk again
Astronauts say: “Today’s coffee is tomorrow’s coffee.”
Which is maybe the darkest sentence ever written in English.
Bonus Round: DIY Jet Propulsion with Poop?
If you’ve seen WALL-E or Gravity, you know that in zero-G, any expulsion = movement.
So Hunter asks the very important question:
Could you use poop propulsion to save yourself in space?
Like, fart your way back to safety?
NASA hasn’t tested this. But if you’re ever floating in the void with no options left—well, it’s worth a shot.
Modern Space Bathroom Science
In 2008, Russia launched a toilet that could tell the difference between pee and poop. (We assume it cries when it sees diarrhea.)
By 2017, NASA offered a $15,000 prize for anyone who could invent a better in-suit waste system. Winner: Dr. Thatcher Cardon, who gave us a space crotch port.
It sounds like sci-fi. It’s very real. The future is weird.
The Final Flush
Pooping in space is hard. It’s messy. It’s expensive. But thanks to years of awkward accidents, brave astronauts, and hundreds of millions of dollars, we now have a system that:
Straps your butt down
Vacs your leavings away
Dries them with heat
And turns your pee into next week’s lemonade
All we ask in return is that you appreciate your earth toilet a little more. It has gravity. It has privacy. And best of all—it doesn’t watch you poop.
