Ep 195: Mist Madness: a Bracket Competition of Bathroom Air Fresheners

Mist Madness Begins: Ranking the Ultimate Bathroom Stink Fighters

February is ending, March is looming, and you know what that means.

No, not spring.

Not sunshine.

Brackets.

Suddenly everyone becomes deeply passionate about rankings they did not care about two weeks ago. Basketball brackets. Candy brackets. Movie brackets. Somewhere right now, someone is passionately arguing about which sandwich bread deserves a Final Four appearance.

And here at Privy, a podcast—and now blog—about bathrooms, we refuse to be left out of competitive nonsense.

So welcome to Mist Madness: the completely serious, scientifically questionable tournament to determine the greatest bathroom air-freshening method of all time.

Why Mist Madness Exists

Let’s be honest.

Every bathroom eventually faces adversity.

Maybe it’s chili night.
Maybe it’s Taco Tuesday.
Maybe it’s a decision you made at a gas station that now demands consequences.

Whatever the cause, humanity has spent centuries asking one eternal question:

“How do we make this room not smell like what just happened?”

Mist Madness exists to answer that question once and for all.

Instead of me arbitrarily ranking products while eating or sniffing questionable substances for research (which history suggests I absolutely would do), we’re letting history, usability, effectiveness, and public opinion decide the winner.

Yes—you get to vote.

Because democracy should absolutely extend to bathroom odor control.

The Contenders

Our bracket pits eight bathroom freshening strategies against one another. Some are ancient. Some are modern. Some barely qualify as doing anything at all.

This week, we meet the lower seeds—the underdogs of odor warfare.

#8 Seed: Odor Neutralizing Powders

(AKA: The Dusty Ancestors of De-Stinking)

If you grew up in the 90s, you probably remember foot powder.

That suspicious white dust your parents insisted would fix the horrifying smell coming from your shoes after playing outside.

Turns out, humans have been using powders to fight stink for centuries.

Back in the 1800s—an era when literally everything smelled bad—people relied on talc, lime, ash, and soil to absorb moisture. Because moisture equals bacteria, and bacteria equals regret.

Entire cities dumped deodorizing materials into waste pits and even rivers to combat overwhelming smells. London famously battled its legendary odor crisis—the Great Stink—using similar methods.

Modern versions still work the same way:

• Absorb moisture

• Limit bacterial growth

• Reduce odor at the source

Today’s toilet powders and tablets are basically the evolved descendants of throwing dirt on a problem and hoping for the best.

Progress!

#7 Seed: Essential Oils

(Cue the Facebook Messages From Wellness Influencers)

Humans discovered long ago that burning pleasant-smelling plants made life more tolerable.

Ancient Egyptians, Greeks, Romans, and cultures across Asia burned oils and resins not only for religious rituals—but also because crowded humans smell… aggressively human.

During the Middle Ages, people believed scented oils didn’t just mask odors—they cleansed the air itself from disease-causing miasma.

Which leads us to a timeless principle:

Medieval apothecaries have a lot in common with modern essential-oil influencers

Both confidently saying:

“Trust me, this fixes everything.”

Eventually science confirmed that some oils actually do have antibacterial properties. Others simply smell nice—which, honestly, is sometimes enough.

Modern diffusers just automate the process by misting fragrance into the air so your bathroom can smell like eucalyptus serenity instead of post-burrito despair.

#6 Seed: The Bathroom Fan

(The Silent Workhorse)

The bathroom fan doesn’t mask smells.

It doesn’t perfume the air.

It simply says:

“This air is bad. Remove it.”

And honestly? Respect.

Ventilation became essential during the Industrial Revolution when people started living closer together and discovered that enclosed spaces plus human biology equals atmospheric challenges.

Fans don’t fight stink—they evacuate it.

No fragrance.
No theatrics.
Just airflow doing the Lord’s work.

It’s the blue-collar competitor of Mist Madness.

#5 Seed: Potpourri

(Decorative Dead Plants Fighting for Their Lives)

Potpourri—mispronounced by nearly everyone until adulthood—is essentially a bowl of dried plant matter designed to smell pleasant long after the living plant has given up.

The name comes from French terminology meaning either:

• a fragrant mixture, or

• loosely translated… “rotten pot.”

Both feel accurate.

Historically, people dried flowers, citrus peels, herbs, and spices so the pleasant smells of spring could survive into colder months.

Modern potpourri often includes:

• cinnamon bark

• lavender

• cloves

• pine

• citrus peel

• and occasionally something labeled mugwort, which absolutely sounds like a Hogwarts professor.

Does it work?

Sort of.

Does it look like decorative trail mix you shouldn’t eat?

Also yes.

How the Tournament Works

Each contender is judged on:

Effectiveness against serious stink
Ease of use
Accessibility
Popular vote

Listeners—and now readers—help decide who advances.

Because somewhere out there, one bathroom freshener deserves championship glory.

Coming Next in Mist Madness

These are just the opening rounds.

Next matchups will introduce heavier hitters:

• sprays

• candles

• ventilation legends

• and possibly controversial fan favorites

By the end of March, one method will stand victorious as the undisputed champion of bathroom freshness.

Until then:

Fill out your bracket.
Trust your nose.
And remember—

History may be written by the victors, but bathrooms are judged by survivors.

And as always…

Don’t forget to flush.